


Negotiations and Love Songs

by penguingal, Schnaucl (Onetrackmind)



Category: Numb3rs
Genre: Incest, M/M, comment porn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2005-12-18
Updated: 2005-12-18
Packaged: 2017-11-21 06:22:41
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,927
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/594472
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/penguingal/pseuds/penguingal, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Onetrackmind/pseuds/Schnaucl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Don can't stop thinking about Charlie.   Charlie, being Charlie, pushes and pushes until Don snaps.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Negotiations and Love Songs

Don sat at his desk, head buried in files and paperwork, the side of government work that doesn't make it into the movies, hardly having noticed that the sun had gone down and the lights of LA were twinkling out his window. The lights in the office were at half-power and his stomach grumbled, telling him that it had been several hours since he'd last had something to eat. He stretched, glancing at his watch, only mildly surprised to see how late it was. Still, he made no move to get up. Getting something to eat meant either grabbing a bite at a fast food place or going home. And home meant Charlie. The idea of another fast food dinner turned his stomach, so he sat.   
  
He'd been staring at the same page for about 10 minutes when he dimly registered the sound of the elevator reaching his floor and someone entering. He jumped when a soft hand landed on his shoulder.  
  
"Jesus, Charlie! Don't do that!"  
  
Charlie took a step back, slightly abashed, but smiling nonetheless. "Sorry, didn't mean to startle you." He lifted a bag of food. "Brought you some dinner. Dad insisted that I stand here and watch you eat it. Personally, I'd prefer to sit." He threw himself into the nearest chair and rolled over, watching him expectantly.  
  
Sighing, Don dug into the bag, pulling out some chicken and vegetables, even a small salad. Out of the corner of his eye, Don watched his brother watching him, trying not to notice the way the curls fell in his eyes or the line of his body. He gritted his teeth against the intrusive thoughts. They were wrong and awful and he hated them. "You don't actually have to sit here, you know," Don said sharply.  
  
Charlie merely rolled his eyes, refusing to let Don's attitude hurt him. "See, this is why Dad made me bring you food. When you don't eat you get _cranky_."  
  
He tried to look surreptitiously around the office, trying to find whatever it was that had kept Don away from home for more than a week. All he could see was the endless mountain of paperwork. Whatever it was, it obviously wasn't something Don thought he could help with.  
  
"I'm not cranky," Don replied, trying to sound annoyed, but only managing to sound petulant. He stabbed at his food, wishing there was some way to get Charlie to go away and leave him in peace that wouldn't end up in an angry phone call from his father because Charlie had shut himself away in the garage. Again. "Look, buddy, I really am going to be here for awhile and I'm sure you have work of your own that you need to do, so."  
  
"You are too cranky, you just won't admit it. Besides, I'm supposed to ask you, and I quote, what's been keeping you so busy you can't even see your old man?"  
  
Pinching the bridge of his nose, Don sighed and tossed his food on his desk. "It's just work, Charlie. That's all. These reports have to get done and I have to do them. Dad should understand that I'm answerable to people other than him." He knew he was being pissy for apparently no reason, but he didn't know what else to do.  
  
"Okay, well, you can take a few minutes to eat." Charlie crossed his arms and looked at Don expectantly. He wasn't leaving until Don had finished everything he'd brought him.   
  
Don looked as though he hadn't been sleeping well, either.   
  
"Anything I can do to help?"  
  
Fury, white hot and irrational welled inside him. "You know I _can_ do my job without you. I got along just fine before I came back here and had to suffer you sticking your nose into everything. Just like when we were kids. You never knew when to back the fuck off." He turned aside, taking a deep breath and trying to get his temper back under control.  
  
Charlie looked just looked at him for a moment, shocked, hurt and betrayed. He opened his mouth to say something, but nothing came out. What could he possibly say to that?   
  
He got up, vision blurring and all but ran for the elevator. He jabbed the button a few times and when the elevator failed to appear immediately he went for the stairs. He heard Don calling his name in that exasperated tone, the one he used when he knew he'd screwed up and planned to offer some quick apology before going right back to making the same point he'd just made. Charlie ignored him.   
  
He barely caught himself before stumbling on the stairs, vision too blurred with unshed tears to let him see properly. He tossed his security pass in the proper receptacle and signed out, then just started walking. He didn't know where he was going and he didn't care. His cell phone rang and he turned it off without answering. He wiped furiously at his eyes and continued walking. He didn't want to go home, or to CalSci, or any other place where Don might find him and give him some stupid apology and say he hadn't meant it when clearly he had.  
  
 _Shit_ , Don swore inwardly, shutting down his computer and grabbing his jacket off his chair. He raced down the stairs after him, part of him not wanting to, but the rest of him knowing that he'd just been stupid and an asshole and had to try and make up for it. He didn't know exactly when he'd gotten so fucked up, but he'd noticed it a little more than a week ago when an irrational stab of jealousy had spiked through him as he watched Megan flirting with Charlie. And it hadn't been Charlie he was jealous of. The result had been him doing everything he could to avoid his little brother. Look how far that had gotten him.  
  
The lobby was empty when he finally reached it. He figured Charlie had to be either on his bike or on foot, though foot was more likely. He might have taken a cab out here, but it would have taken awhile for one to reach them. Doing a quick estimate of how far Charlie could walk or bike in the last 10 minutes, Don sprinted for his SUV.   
  
He caught up to him near a small park and pulled along side him. "Charlie! Charlie, c'mon, get in the car. You shouldn't be out here." Silence. "Charlie, please get in the car." More silence. "Oh for God's sake, would you just get in the fucking car?" Yeah, that was going to help. Don pulled over, parked the car and hopped out.  
  
"Don't," he said, voice low and rough with emotion.   
  
"C'mon, Charlie--"  
  
"I said _don't_. I don't want to hear your stupid, meaningless apology. I don't want to talk to you; I don't want to look at you. Just go away. Go back to your damn _work_ and leave me the hell alone!"  
  
That flash of fury ran through him again and he grabbed Charlie's arm, swinging him so his back landed against the SUV. "That's just it, I can't leave you alone! I can't get away from you. You're everywhere, at home, at work, fuck I can even smell you when I get in my car. I spend most of my time living and breathing you and I'm drowning. I need some air, Charlie." But despite his words, his anger sent blood rushing through his veins and before it was really a complete thought, he'd crushed his mouth to Charlie's in a rough kiss.  
  
Charlie froze, shocked. There was nothing loving or tender about the kiss, only raw passion, domination, and need. As soon as he realized he was returning the kiss, he pushed Don away, hard. He gasped for air, tongue darting out to probe his own kiss-swollen lips. Nothing made sense anymore.  
  
"Go back to the office Don. Go back to work." His voice was hollow. Tired. "Please. I need--I need to think." He couldn't look at his brother, afraid of what he might see.  
  
Don looked at his brother huddled against his car with eyes almost as hollow as Charlie's voice had been. Shame and revulsion flooded him and he took a couple shaky steps back, shaking his head. He collapsed on a nearby bench, his head in his hands. He couldn't believe he'd just done that, even as the taste of Charlie on his lips started to fade. Pushing the heel of his hands into his eyes he sighed, "Fuck."  
  
Charlie hesitated, torn. He couldn't leave Don like this, but he couldn't stay, either. Not until he figured some things out.   
  
"I need to think and I can't do that if I don't know that you're okay," he said quietly. "Please Don. Call a cab, have them take you home."  
  
"No," Don said, his voice firmer and more confident than he really felt. "No, I can drive. I'll-I'll go back to my apartment, leave you be." He lifted his eyes briefly to his brother's face, seeing the hurt and confusion there. That was his fault. "I never meant--it shouldn't--I'm sorry," he finished finally, his voice soft, his eyes lost. He looked at the space in front of Charlie's shoes for a long minute before nodding solemnly and climbing into his SUV. "Are you gonna be okay? You sure you don't need a ride home?" The thought of leaving Charlie out here alone was almost as bad as what he'd just done.  
  
"I'm sure. I'm just--going to take a walk for a while. I'll call a cab later. I promise. Just--be careful, okay?"  
  
He ached. Ached for himself and for Don and for the sudden complication in their lives.  
  
"Okay," Don sighed, biting his lip. He was sure there was something else he should say, but he had no idea what it was. He nodded, rolling up his window and putting the car in gear. Charlie wavered in his rear view mirror and was gone as he rounded the curve. He felt sick to his stomach and actually had to stop the car and take a few deep breaths. He drove aimlessly for a while before finally pulling into his apartment and throwing himself on his couch to stew.  
  
Charlie didn't go home for hours. He called their Dad, let him know that Don had eaten something and was buried in paperwork, said he might be working late at CalSci but really he continued to walk the streets. It wasn't as refreshing as hiking, but it was as close as he could come in downtown L.A.  
  
But things refused to make sense, refused to even seem real. It was 3:30 before he realized he was never going to be able to think about it properly while he was in the same city as Don. It was late, but if he didn't call now he could lose his nerve. He dialed.  
  
Flipping through channels restlessly, Don did everything he could think of to keep his mind off of what had happened, short of going to the fridge and drinking beer until he passed out. He was certain that Charlie hated him and he couldn't honestly blame him. He was disgusting, wanting something like that, wanting his brother like that. He should go, get as far away from Charlie as possible for his brother's sake. Somewhere in this thought process Don must have dozed off because the sound of his phone ringing slammed him awake and he lunged for it, answering without checking the caller ID.  
  
"Hey, it's me. Charlie. I just wanted to tell you I think--I think I'm going to go out of town for a week or so. I just--I need to clear my head and you um--" he bit his lip hard. "You said you needed some room to breathe and I think you should have it. I don't--" he closed his eyes, swallowing against the painful lump in his throat. "I don't want to drown you." He cleared his throat. "So, I just wanted you to know that I'm gonna take off for a week but I _will_ be back and in the meantime I don't want you to do anything stupid like think about transferring, okay?"  
  
"Charlie--" Don started, distressed at the watery sound of his brother's voice. Had he been crying? Was he about to? Some big brother he'd turned out to be, making his brother want to run from him. And he had absolutely no idea what to say to him. "I--I won't. I'll be here when you get back."  
  
He hoped that his voice sounded normal enough. "Where--where are you going?"  
  
"Good. I'm not sure yet." Which was, in fact, a lie. He planned on hiking the Sibley mountains, but he didn't want to tell Don where he was going. He didn't even really want to take his cell phone, though not taking it at all would be a bad idea and he knew it. He'd just leave it off unless he needed it.  
  
"I'm glad you made it home safe."  
  
"Yeah," Don said, rubbing his hands over his face. "I--I hope you have a good trip. Call me when you get back?"   
  
"Of course," Charlie promised. "Good night, Don."  
  
"Good night, Charlie." He clicked his phone shut, trying to ignore the weight that settled on his chest. He wanted to hit his head against the wall, repeatedly. How could he have done that to his brother, the one person who had always trusted him, looked up to him? It was his job to put people who did those kinds of things in jail and now... Charlie was running. He said he'd be back and Don believed him, but deep down he knew that things were forever going to be different. Just when they'd started to be able to work with each other, he had to go and do this. It was perhaps unsurprising that his guilt silenced the small part of his brain that was insisting Charlie had kissed him back.  
  
Hauling himself stiffly off the couch, Don padded to the kitchen and fished a beer out of the fridge.  
  
....  
  
By the time a week had passed, Don was a wreck. He had barely slept, had eaten even less, except what his dad had nearly force-fed him, and every time his phone rang, he jumped for it. This forced exile from his brother had been hell, and he was sure he was going to go crazy if he had to endure it any longer. He'd do whatever it took to not have Charlie do this again. He'd keep a tight rein on these feelings for as long as he needed to, even if it broke him. He just wanted his brother back.  
  
Normally Charlie would have spent the week at a blackboard, but staying in town just hadn't been an option. He was too easily found there, and as soon as he got immersed in P vs NP there would have been no denying there was something wrong. Hiking at least had the virtue of plausible deniability.   
  
Charlie was thoroughly confused. Don bitched whenever he couldn't help on a case because he had other obligations, even when that other obligation was teaching. But he also got bitched at when he wanted to help and there was nothing he could do.  
  
Don's words in the office had cut more deeply than Don probably realized or intended because they simply confirmed what Charlie had always secretly suspected. Don still resented having to move to come back and take care of their parents. Still resented Charlie for not being able to hold it together, leaving Don to pick up the pieces, as always. Don might want the solutions his work could provide, but he resented that it was _Charlie_ who could give them to him.   
  
But then he'd kissed him. He still didn't know what to think about that. The kiss had seemed to be born out of desperation, frustration and anger more than affection or even want. And _he'd kissed him back_. He didn't know what to think about that, either.   
  
A week later and he was only fractionally closer to finding the answers than he had been at the start of the week. But it was time to go home. He turned on his cell phone for the first time and was actually relieved not to find any messages.  
  
He called Don when the cab crossed city limits. "Hey, it's me. I'm back."  
  
"Charlie!" Don couldn't hide the relief in his voice if he'd tried. "Hold on a second." He stepped into the conference room and shut the door. "I--are--how are you? Where are you?" What he'd wanted to say, of course, was _I missed you. Don't ever go away like that again_ but he knew he couldn't. Instead he stood awkwardly in the center of the room waiting for a lifeline from the other end of the phone.  
  
"I'm okay," he said, touched by the obvious relief in Don's voice. "We just crossed the city limits so it'll be a while before I really get there. You know how it is. Traffic." He picked at a loose string in the fabric of the taxi. "Do you uh--do you want to have dinner or something?"  
  
"Yes," he answered quickly, maybe too quickly. "If--if you want, I can order something and we can eat at my apartment. So we can talk without being interrupted. If that's okay. Or you know whatever you want to do." Don bit his lip anxiously. "It's--it's good to hear your voice. I'm glad you're back."  
  
"I'd like that," he said quietly. "What time can you be off of work?"  
  
"Around six, okay? Do you want to meet me at my place later? I know Dad wants to see you." He realized he was pacing agitatedly and forced himself to stop. It was such a relief to have Charlie actually speaking to him again that he thought his knees might give out just from the exhaustion.  
  
"Sure. I'll see you at 7:30." It would give him time to get a shower and change, talk to his dad. And maybe try and figure out what the hell to tell his brother.   
  
....  
  
It had taken some doing, but he'd convinced his dad that he and Don needed some time to talk and that they'd have to shelve the family dinner for the next night.   
  
His stomach was in knots by the time he knocked on Don's door at exactly 7:30.  
  
Don opened the door quickly, smiling at the sight of his brother. He looked good, if horribly nervous. Wherever he'd gone, it looked like he'd gotten some sun and his dark skin was even deeper than normal. He wanted to hug him, do something, but things were so uncertain. Don kicked himself again for what must have been the thousandth time. "Come in," he finally managed, realizing he was staring. "Food should be here soon."  
  
Charlie just continued to stare for another long moment. Don looked like hell. He'd lost a lot of weight in the short time Charlie had been away and he looked tired, more tired than he usually looked after a particularly bad case. Charlie didn't know what to say so he just nodded and followed Don inside.  
  
They sat awkwardly at Don's kitchen table, the tension in the air palpable. It was clear neither of them knew what the hell to say or where to even begin. Silence descended after the quick small talk--how was your trip? how was work?--until the food arrived a minute later. Don got up, paid for it, and returned. "I-I got your favorite," he offered meekly. Their fingers brushed as Don handed him his carton of Chinese food and it was like an electric shock through his system. Don sucked in a quick breath, covering it, badly, with a cough as he pulled his own food out of the bag. In the time Charlie had been away, the feelings that had gotten them to this point had festered and grown, eating away at him. But he had it under control. He could do this. He just kept telling himself that in time, they'd go away. It was just a silly infatuation that also happened to be a felony. No big deal.   
  
He uncovered his food and picked at it balefully. "I really am glad that you're back. It was--odd without you here. And--and you may still not want to hear it but--I _am_ sorry that I lost my temper. Of course I appreciate your help, I just--remember how when we were kids I'd never let you give me the answers even if I had to stay up all night trying to figure it out on my own? That's how this feels."  
  
Charlie nodded, poking at his food before giving it up as a lost cause. He wasn't going to be able to eat until they started to clear the air.  
  
"I'm confused," he said softly. "I went away hoping I'd come back unconfused but--" He sighed and spread his hands on the table. "Don I don't--I don't know what you want from me any more."  
  
Don stood, pacing around the small kitchen. There were so many things he wanted from Charlie that he couldn't say. He didn't even dare to think them. So, he started on the safest ground he could find. "I want you to keep consulting with the FBI, to keep working with me. I know how valuable your work is, how much it's helped. I want--I want us to be brothers. Christ, Charlie, I don't know." He sighed, closing his eyes and leaning on the back of the chair. "I know I like having you around and I know I was miserable when you were away and I know that I screwed up and I know that I just want things to go back to the way they were before--before..." he trailed off, unwilling or unable to put what he was thinking into words.  
  
"Don, I have to know, why did you kiss me?" he asked, trying to keep his voice as neutral as possible.  
  
"I don't want to talk about that," Don replied, but Charlie's look made it clear that they would talk about this or they would sit here in silence. He sighed. "Okay. I've been thinking about it, trying to figure it out..." _Quit stalling, Don_. "I did it because--because lately when I look at you or think about you something happens to me that shouldn't. I did it because I wanted--want--you," he finished softly, a desperate note of misery in his voice. "But it won't ever happen again Charlie, I promise. I'm so sorry it did in the first place. I'm sure it's just a temporary thing, an-an infatuation, and I can keep it under control just, don't hate me," he urged, sitting next to Charlie again and turning big imploring eyes on him.  
  
"Don, I don't hate you. I could _never_ hate you," Charlie said immediately. "It's just--when you kissed me there didn't seem to be anything--anything _good_ behind it. It's like you were just--angry or--or frustrated." He wrung his hands miserably.  
  
"I am. I was. But not with you. I'm frustrated with myself for feeling like this at all. It's wrong, Charlie. It's absolutely wrong." Don hung his head, staring at his fingers on the table.  
  
"Even if I might feel the same way?" Charlie asked, voice barely above a whisper.  
  
Don recoiled slightly as though he'd been struck and stared at his brother. The small voice that had been telling him Charlie had kissed him back chose that moment to pipe up and say, _Told you so_. Suddenly, his whole perspective on the situation shifted. "Do you?" he asked, his voice choked.  
  
Don wasn't sure it would really change anything if he did, but at least he wouldn't be alone in this.  
  
"I think I might. I'm just--" he sighed and looked down. "Right now I'm so confused I don't know _what_ I feel. The things you said in your office _hurt_ , Don. And they hurt because I'm afraid they're true and I'm afraid you don't really want to be here."  
  
"Are you kidding? Look at me. I'm a mess. After just a week. Those other feelings aside, all I could think about was getting my brother back. I _missed_ you, and if one of us left, I'd still miss you and I'd still be miserable. You know I've never been good at asking for help, or asking for it the right way, even when I need it, so yes, it's true, sometimes it's hard for me and I trip all over myself and I demand instead of ask. But you're amazing at what you do, and if you don't mind me saying so, I'm pretty damn good at what I do. Put us together and we're one hell of a team." For the first time in nearly two weeks, Don smiled.  
  
"I've missed you, too," Charlie confessed. He hesitantly reached out and touched Don's arm. "I don't like fighting with you."  
  
Don's insides jumped at the soft contact, but he managed to keep his voice even. "Believe me, it's not one of my favorite activities either. That night I was so desperate to get these other feelings under control and I couldn't do it with you in the room, looking at me, watching me. And I lashed out. It was stupid of me. Forgive me?" Gently, he covered Charlie's hand with his own.  
  
"Forgiven," Charlie said softly. "I'm sorry I didn't realize how hard I was making things for you."  
  
He was tempted to say something flippant about Charlie's skills of observation, but under the circumstances, he held his tongue. "There was no reason for you to." Looking into Charlie's warm eyes, Don suddenly realized how close they were sitting, their hands still overlapped, and he gulped, finding it harder to breathe. He did and he didn't want to back up and the war within him raged for an eternity.  
  
Charlie met his eyes and smiled slightly. "So--if I do feel the same way... what are we going to do about it?"  
  
"I really don't want to get into a hypothetical discussion about this," Don said, closing his eyes. "There's too much at stake for that."  
  
"Fair enough." He reached out and stroked Don's cheek. "You should eat." And maybe by the end of the evening he'd have a better idea of what he felt and where he stood.  
  
Nodding, Don practically attacked his food, suppressing the shiver at Charlie's touch on his cheek. Now that the air was clear and he knew Charlie didn't hate him for what had happened, his appetite returned with a vengeance. Their conversation grew steadily easier as they ate, and when they were done, they moved out to the couch, flipping on a basketball game, talking and laughing over most of it.  
  
After the game finished Charlie leaned back on the couch and contemplated his brother. "Tell me why you want me."  
  
"Why?" Don leaned back, looking steadfastly at the now dark TV. "I don't know. It's lots of things, I guess. I like this... this easy time we spend together, when we're not around each other because of my job. I got irrationally jealous of Meghan for flirting with you, like she was daring to encroach on my time with _my_ brother. And in case you didn't know it, you're an attractive guy, Charlie. But most of all, I like myself the best when I'm around you and I want more of that. And I _should_ be able to have that without all the other stuff, without thinking about how much I want to brush your curls out of your face right now just to feel how soft they are under my hands. It's that part of it that scares me."  
  
"Because you think it's wrong." Which it was. And it was dangerous. But still... "Wrong because I'm a man or because I'm--me." He didn't want to say that he was Don's brother, didn't want to use the word incest, it would make it too real.  
  
"The second one," Don confirmed, also avoiding saying the words or even thinking them. "This might surprise you, but you're not the first man I've been attracted to, nor the first one I've kissed. I accepted that part of me a long time ago. No, it's that other thing that's my hang up. Under any other circumstances, if we were friends instead of--" he gestured vaguely between them, "--I'd have kissed you weeks ago."  
  
"Yeah?" Charlie asked, intrigued in spite of himself. "What--would you have just randomly ambushed me?"  
  
Don laughed. "No. No, it would have been something like this, just hanging out, having a beer, maybe horsing around, the mood relaxed. In one of those comfortable lulls in the conversation, I'd have licked my lips and leaned in slowly, waiting to see what would happen. If you didn't move away, I'd have pressed my lips to yours, run my tongue along your bottom lip to see if you'd let me in. It'd be warm--cozy." He shrugged. "In any other circumstance..."  
  
Charlie shivered. "What, you expect the good night kiss before the date?" he asked lightly.  
  
"Nothing wrong with starting a good make out session," Don replied, tone also light, biting his lip against his smirk.  
  
"Of course there's not. But those usually come _after_ the date. Or did you expect me to be easy just because I'm a guy?"  
  
Don smiled. "You should have asked Terry, I've never been good at 'dates'. Always been more a 'take-action' kind of guy. Probably why I'm in the FBI." Somewhere during this conversation, Charlie had shifted so there were bare centimeters between them and Don could feel their heat mingling. He gulped again but managed to fight the urge to shift away.  
  
Charlie rolled his eyes. "Well, you must have done _something_ with Terry besides have sex. C'mon, Don, tell me how you'd woo me," he said, batting his eyelashes.  
  
It was Don's turn to roll his eyes. "You really want to know?" Charlie nodded. "Okay. Well, I'd probably pick you up at CalSci about an hour before sunset. Drive you out to the hills somewhere where we could spread out a picnic and watch the sun go down. I'd have some of your favorite foods with me, especially the desserts. We'd sit and talk, wait for the stars to come out. When it started to get chilly, I'd wrap you in our picnic blanket as we walked back to my car. We'd come back here and play chess for a while, until you got bored with kicking my ass. Then I'd drive you home, walk you to your door, and look into your deep brown eyes, hoping for a good night kiss." He'd spoken softly, letting the images drift to him. He wasn't sure where they'd come from exactly. It wasn't anything he'd ever really thought of or planned out; it was just something that he could only do with someone he cared about.  
  
"And I'd look into your eyes and tell you I had a really good time, and then," he leaned forward and gently pressed his lips to Don's in a sweet, almost chaste kiss. He pulled back and tentatively licked his lips, tasting Don there. "I guess that hypothetical question wasn't so hypothetical after all."  
  
Don froze, looking at his brother with wide eyes. "I guess not." He fought the wellspring of panic inside him, figuring at the least they were even now. "We can't do this, Charlie. If anyone ever found out... It'd kill Dad. It's a big risk. For both of us. And even if we did, that little scene I described just now, we could never have that. I could never kiss you like that, out in public. Never hold your hand." He ran his thumb softly across Charlie's lips, a regretful look on his face. "No matter how much we might want this, there are so many good reasons not to. Especially if you're not sure."  
  
Charlie nodded and pulled away, trying not to flinch at the loss of contact. "I know," he said hoarsely. He cleared his throat and forced a smile. He hurt, everything hurt. It was a different kind of hurt than when he'd been fighting with Don, but it was hurt all the same. "I should go," he said quietly.  
  
"No, don't. Please?" Don said, putting his hand on Charlie's wrist. He could feel his brother's pulse jump at the contact, and his insides twisted. It wasn't fair. "Tell me--tell me why you want me." He stroked the soft skin on the inside of Charlie's wrist with his thumb, tracing small circles.  
  
Charlie hesitated, then nodded, trying to ignore Don's touch when it suddenly seemed like that connection was his whole world. "You are smart and good and brave and honorable. You're strong and gentle and make me feel safe."  
  
"And what about now?" Don asked, pulling Charlie closer, their lips almost touching. "Do I still make you feel safe?" Charlie's pulse raced under his fingertips and Don's pulse jumped to keep up. Intense physical tension settled in the small space between them as Don waited for Charlie's answer. Deep down he knew that having Charlie want him was all it would take. He'd crumble, never able to deny him something that he wanted. However, that wasn't enough to totally silence the voice that told him he was most certainly going to hell for this. _I'd be in hell if I didn't, too. So where does that leave me?_ he thought as he searched Charlie's face.  
  
"I always feel safe with you," he said softly, his gaze darting between Don's eyes and his lips. It would be so easy to lean forward, cross that short distance and kiss Don for a third time. So very easy. He closed his eyes. "Don, _please_. If we can't be together I should go before we do something we'll regret.  
  
What Charlie said made logical sense, of course. But if he let go, let Charlie walk out of his apartment, he knew with sudden clarity that this thing between them would tear them apart. It'd be too much to handle, seeing each other almost every day, feeling the ache and pull in their guts and being able to do nothing about it. He couldn't allow that to happen, for his and Charlie's sake.   
  
_Fuck it_. Closing his eyes, Don leaned in those last few centimeters, pressing his lips to Charlie's.  
  
Charlie ignored the stinging in his eyes and returned Don's kiss as tenderly and lovingly as he could. "Don," he whispered.  
  
Weeks of pent up desire threatened to swamp him, but he forced it back. "Charlie," Don started, backing up just a little, his hand cupping Charlie's face gently, his thumb running along his cheekbone. "Stay. Please stay."  
  
"Are you sure?" he whispered, opening his eyes to look at Don. He wanted this so _badly_ but if they started and then Don changed his mind it would break his heart.  
  
"Yes," he whispered, brushing Charlie's curls aside. "I don't have any good reasons why we should, but--are you sure this is what you want? Because if it's not, you should tell me now while you still have a chance to walk away. Because I think if I kiss you again, I might not stop."  
  
"I have a very good reason why we should. I love you," he paused and licked his lips, "I'm _in_ love with you and I think--I hope you feel the same way."  
  
Don didn't hesitate. "I do. I'm in love with you." His behavior the last two weeks, his loss of appetite, his jealousy, if these weren't the symptoms of a man in love, he didn't know what was. He kissed Charlie then, fiercely, putting all of his long held back passion into it.  
  
Charlie moaned, surprised by the intensity of the kiss and did his best to return it in kind. He let Don devour his mouth, played gently with his tongue, learning this new taste and sensation. He let his free arm slip around Don's back, tugging him closer.  
  
Releasing his wrist at last, Don wrapped his arms around Charlie, just barely resisting the urge to pull him into his lap, to get as close as they could with their clothes still on, and concentrated on the feel of Charlie's tongue in his mouth, the warmth of his hands on his back, and the delicious sounds and responses dripping from him. It felt better than he could ever have imagined it. When he finally pulled back, he was flushed, panting, and just wanted more.  
  
Charlie studied Don for a long moment, memorizing the sight greedily. Eyes dilated, lips swollen with kisses...gorgeous. "God, you're amazing," Charlie said, running his thumb across Don's lips.  
  
"So are you," Don smiled, looking at his brother's beloved familiar face now with bright eyes and flushed cheeks. Part of him still recoiled in quiet horror, but he was much too far gone for that to matter now. He figured if his feelings for Charlie weren't bound to fade anytime soon, then the confusion and horror had to. Something would give. "Listen, I know this isn't going to be easy. For either of us. There are things we won't be able to do or say, but I want to try. So, let's just take it one day at a time, and remember that I love you, much more than I thought I could. Okay?"  
  
"Okay," he said, voice soft. "And you remember that I love you more than I thought possible. We don't have to do anything tonight, you know. I'd be perfectly content to stay right here on this couch and make out with you."  
  
"Let's just... see where it takes us," Don smirked. Pushing gently, he laid Charlie down so his head rested against the arm, twisting to cover him with his body as best he could.  
  
Charlie grinned and pushed himself up for another kiss, less fierce this time, more exploratory. He let both hands stroke Don's back and one slipped up to cup the back of his brother's neck.  
  
A soft sound of pleasure escaped from the back of Don's throat as he sucked gently on Charlie's tongue. One hand slipped under just the hem of Charlie's t-shirt, his fingers grazing the warm skin above the waistband of his jeans while the other played along his skin at his throat. Charlie was small, almost delicate, and Don was concerned about putting too much of his weight on him, so he let Charlie control the kiss, waiting for his cues.  
  
Charlie's soft sound of pleasure echoed his brother's and became louder when Don's hands found his skin. He arched into the touch, already wanting more. He murmured his brother's name and dipped his head to lick at his throat.  
  
Don tilted his head back, giving Charlie all the access he wanted. He slid his hand further up Charlie's side, his fingers idly tracing his ribs. It was slow and torturous and perfect. "God, Charlie. You are so beautiful," he murmured as Charlie's mouth traveled along his neck. He gasped when his brother's teeth found a particularly sensitive spot, his eyes rolling back in his head briefly.  
  
Charlie smiled as Don's body transmitted his pleasure and he made a mental note to revisit that spot often. "And you, you're amazing." He kissed his way along Don's collarbone and shoulder, reveling in the warmth of his brother's body and the salty taste of his skin.  
  
"Oh, yeah?" Don murmured, dropping his head and starting to nibble on Charlie's jaw and throat, pulling the lobe of his ear between his teeth. "What's so amazing about me?"  
  
Charlie gasped. "Everything. Everything that you are, and that you love me, like this and just--everything."  
  
Smiling, Don kissed Charlie quickly before standing and pulling Charlie's legs up onto the couch. He shed his button-down and pulled his t-shirt out of his waistband, allowing Charlie to explore more if he wanted to. Resettling himself, he worked a knee in between Charlie's legs, carefully straddling his thigh. Don bent his head to Charlie's skin again, wanting to imprint his taste on his brain.  
  
Charlie moaned, wanting to rub himself against that knee. Instead he let his hands disappear under Don's shirt, closing his eyes in concentration as he tried to learn his brother's body by touch alone. His sensitive fingers encountered unexpected patches of smoothness, but he didn't let himself dwell on that now.  
  
Charlie's hands were warm against his skin and Don groaned softly as they explored his skin. They skittered slightly over some of his old, healed scars and he was glad when they moved on immediately. Don's hand caressed Charlie's side, his fingers just skimming the curve of his ass before moving down to his thigh and behind his knee. Shifting just a little, Don let his thigh nudge at the obvious bulge in Charlie's jeans, flexing his muscle encouragingly.  
  
He arched and moaned once more. "Gonna torture me before you give me what I want?" Charlie asked breathlessly.  
  
"That depends," Don whispered. "What is it, exactly, that you want?" He flexed again, just to see Charlie's eyelids droop and his body arch, demanding more contact.  
  
"You," he whispered. "I want you. Want you to--to--" God, he couldn't find the words. They all sounded wrong. Fuck wasn't right, not for their first time. Don would probably laugh at "make love."  
  
"To what, Charlie?" Don teased, knowing full well what it was that Charlie was having trouble saying because he wanted it, too. "You want my hands? My mouth? Want me to do this?" He reached between them, rubbing his palm firmly against Charlie's cock, feeling him harden even more under his touch. Leaning down, he whispered in Charlie's ear, his lips just brushing the sensitive skin. "Do you want my cock, Charlie? All you have to do is ask and it's yours. Anything you want. Everything."  
  
"Yes!" He whimpered, bucking up, craving more of that delicious warm touch. "Want you, Don, please!"  
  
Don claimed Charlie's mouth in a firm, passionate kiss, his fingers teasing his length for a moment before climbing carefully off the couch and pulling Charlie up with him. Caressing his brother's face once, he whispered, "I love you." His own cock beginning to throb under his jeans, Don backed up, pulling Charlie with him toward the bedroom.  
  
"I love you, too," Charlie said softly, following Don willingly. "I need you. Want you. But mostly--I love you."  
  
Don stopped at the foot of the bed, pulling Charlie flush against him, letting him feel how much he wanted him, too. Slipping his hands under Charlie's shirt, he stripped it quickly, tossing it aside. The warm, bronzed skin now fully available to him, he bent his head to lick and suck his way along his shoulder and collarbone.  
  
Charlie shivered and moaned, letting Don explore for a moment before tugging Don's undershirt over his head and claiming another fierce kiss. He let a hand trail down Don's chest, one long, continuous stroke that stopped just above his jeans. He pressed a kiss to Don's collarbone, then over his heart.  
  
Cradling Charlie's head, Don stroked his curls gently as Charlie kissed his way along his chest. Suddenly, all at once, it stopped mattering that this was wrong on several different levels. It felt right, much too good to be anything other than right, and he stopped fighting the war inside him. He slid his hands around Charlie's waist, pulling him close again and burying his head in Charlie's neck, his lips finding the sensitive skin at his throat. He backed him up just one more step, following him down when his knees struck the mattress.  
  
Charlie turned his head to give Don better access, fingers still stroking Don's chest, back, and shoulders. "Tell me what you want," he said softly.  
  
"Just this," Don replied. "Just you. Want--want to be connected to you. Inside you." He kissed his way down Charlie's chest, his tongue circling a nipple briefly as his hands came to rest on the waistband of Charlie's jeans. He lifted his eyes to Charlie's face, waiting, looking for any signs that he didn't want him to continue.  
  
Charlie stroked Don's cheek, kissed him tenderly and then nodded briefly. "I want that, too," he said softly.  
  
He popped the button on Charlie's jeans and unzipped them slowly. Helping Charlie lift up, he pulled them and his boxers off together, kissing the newly exposed flesh as he went. Charlie watched Don as he moved, his hands exploring the places his mouth hadn't yet reached. Moving between Charlie's legs, Don kissed him deeply, urging him further up the bed before he let go, letting his hands grope and explore and tease the length of Charlie's cock.  
  
Charlie gasped and arched, moaning softly. While there was a part of him that very much wanted to lie back and let Don do whatever he wanted, another part of him very much wanted his turn to explore Don's body.  
  
Don couldn't get enough of Charlie, of his responses to his touches, of the small delicious sounds he made. He wanted to press against him, feel his body as it matched his. Wrapping a hand around Charlie's neck, Don lay back slowly, pulling Charlie with him as they kissed.  
  
Charlie lay back with Don, continuing to kiss him gently. Slowly, slowly he let his hands drift down to the top of Don's jeans and he met Don's eyes, needing permission before he continued.  
  
"God, yes," Don whispered, licking his lips as anticipation settled in his stomach. He took a long look at Charlie, knowing that they'd long passed the place where they could go back, but the fear that things would irrevocably change between them still lingered. "I love you," he repeated, looking straight into Charlie's eyes.  
  
"I love you, too. With all my heart." He kissed Don gently, then kissed a trail down his chest until he reached his jeans. He gently, carefully undid the button and unzipped the fly, then with Don's help he stripped off his pants and underwear.  
  
Naked together at last, Don pulled Charlie up by the shoulders, wrapping his arms around his back and holding him tightly. Their cocks slid together and Don moaned, arching up to gain more of that sweet, elusive contact. His raked his blunt nails along Charlie's skin, fingers just teasing his ass and making him moan. "N-need you, Charlie," he managed as the haze of lust threatened to swamp his brain.  
  
"You have me," Charlie whispered, kissing Don's lips, his neck, his shoulder.  
  
"I-I have to ask. I don't want to hurt you... have--have you done this before?" Don bit his lip, not entirely sure he wanted to hear the answer. But he wanted Charlie badly and without this guidance, it'd be all too easy for him to abandon himself to the frantic and frenzied urges inside him.  
  
"No," he said softly. "But I want to," he said more loudly, determined.  
  
"Believe me, I couldn't stop now if I tried," Don smiled, gently, encouragingly. Rolling to the side, he laid Charlie on his back and kissed him quickly before digging through the bottom drawer of his nightstand and pulling out a nearly empty bottle of lubricant. It'd been a while since he'd needed it. He grabbed a condom from his other drawer and placed both items in easy reach. Greedily devouring the sight of Charlie laid out against his pillows, Don stroked his hands down his skin before generously coating his fingers. "This might feel a little strange," he cautioned before nudging the first blunt digit against Charlie's ass.  
  
Charlie nodded and reached to hold Don's free hand, spreading his legs as best he could. Don was right, it did feel strange, but his brother's voice soothed him, kept him from tensing up.  
  
"That's it, Charlie, just relax." Don slid his finger in slowly, feeling Charlie adjust to it. He smiled, kissing whatever skin he could reach as he slipped it from his body and pushed in again. It wasn't long before Charlie was pushing against him, moaning softly, and seeking more. Putting a second finger along side his first, he pushed into him again, slowing even more, and probing, looking for the small bundle of muscle and nerve deep inside him.  
  
Charlie cried out as his body was unexpectedly overtaken with mind-blowing pleasure. Arms and legs fastened around Don as much as they could and he actively pushed back, wanting to find that spot, to feel that, again and again and again.  
  
Don grunted softly as he was enveloped in Charlie's reaction and he smiled to know that he was the one making Charlie feel that good. Licking and kissing his way soothingly across Charlie's skin, Don slid in a third finger, wanting to be as sure as he could that Charlie was ready for what was to come next. He backed off, drinking in the sight of Charlie quivering in pleasure, his stomach starting to flutter and the blood rising in his cheeks. Nearly frantic with his own need, Don covered and slicked his cock, positioning himself at Charlie's entrance. He entered him slowly, murmuring encouraging words as he pushed. Don's eyes rolled back in his head at the tight inferno of his brother's body and he let out a long, low groan as he was finally sheathed deep inside him. "Oh, God, _Charlie_ ," he moaned, shaking with the effort not to move.  
  
"Don!" The feeling was incredible, amazing. He'd never known it was possible to feel this connected to another person. He whispered his brother's name and tried moving.  
  
Charlie pushed against him, taking him even deeper than Don thought possible and he let out a gasp. Taking the hint, Don pulled most of the way out before pushing in again as slowly as before, feeling every bit of Charlie wrapped around him. "God, so good," he breathed as he repeated the process. Charlie was hot, tight, and slick and Don wanted this to last as long as he could make it. He found a slow, tender rhythm that wouldn't drive him totally insane and he wrapped a hand around Charlie's cock, stroking him in time.  
  
"Oh God, Don!" Higher brain function seemed to vanish as Don's hand wrapped around his cock. It felt unbelievably, almost unbearably good. He gave Don soft little cries of pleasure, his free hand moving restlessly over Don's skin.  
  
The sounds dripping out of Charlie's throat spurred Don on and he upped his pace, but still made sure he was controlled, not wanting to hurt Charlie. He stroked faster, his thumb circling the sensitive head, urging Charlie to topple over the edge. He was close, feeling the tension pooling in the base of his spine, but he wanted to send Charlie flinging over the edge into oblivion first, to let him experience how good this could be to its fullest.  
  
He moaned, feeling the pleasure build, like lightening coiled at the base of his spine. "Don, oh God, Don, please!" The ground started to slip away and he tried to hang on but it was impossible. There was too much pleasure, it was too intense and he came shouting Don's name.  
  
Charlie's orgasm telegraphed itself directly to Don, Charlie clenching around him, milking his cock so sweetly. Thrusting in a few more times as hard as he dared, Don shuddered his release, an inarticulate moan ripping from him ending on a softly whimpered, "Charlie."  
  
Fighting the urge to collapse, he gently extracted himself from Charlie, disposed of the condom, and flopped on the bed. Don stretched out, laying his head on his brother's chest, heedless of the mess on his skin, and listened to Charlie's heartbeat as his breathing slowed, and returned to normal. "Let me know if I'm too heavy," he murmured, kissing the skin available to him.  
  
"Not too heavy," Charlie said softly, stroking Don's hair. He felt pleasantly blissed out, content to lie there all day without moving. "Love you," he whispered.  
  
"Love you, too," Don replied, lifting his head for a kiss. He smiled, shifting so he could pull Charlie into his arms and wrap around him. He found now that he'd been so connected to Charlie, he didn't ever want to let him go. "Do you want to stay tonight?"  
  
"Of course I do! I mean--if that's okay with you." He had no desire to be anywhere but next to Don. He wanted to fall asleep with his brother wrapped around him and wake up the same way.  
  
Don smiled into his skin, kissing his throat. "Of course, buddy," he whispered, "of course." Taking a deep breath, he closed his eyes, melting into his brother's frame next to him. The morning was sure to bring doubts and questions, but Don was sure they could wait until morning. Right now, he was content.


End file.
